Mid-Hudson Bridge Falcon Nest Exposed as a Fake
Great Idea! That's what Ted Kerpez said the first time someone asked him if he thought people would get all mushy and sympathetic to a Falcon cam on some bridge somewhere. Then the reality of actually setting one up and finding domesticated falcons to live on camera, like a version of MTV's "Real World" for falcons, hit him. "Oh shit", said Kerpez. "I don't think that one from Bonanza is still alive. I'd better start calling the animal people from that Worlds Most Funny Videos show."
The hard work had just begun. Before he knew it, he had all sorts of weirdos calling. "I mean, you just can't spray paint a parrott and expect people to think its a falcon" he said during a recent phone call, which was tapped and eavesdropped on by an unnamed source who sent the Times a transcript. "But maybe some Beanie Babies would work, if we had a mechanism to make them move every once in a while, people wouldn't know the difference. It's a still camera, not video."
He thought a while..."Yeah, people are pretty gullible. I once got a call from someone with a squirrel in their washing machine and I told them they like peanut butter. They actually spread a path of peanut butter along the floor, right out the door. Like that's gonna do anything!" He chuckled. "They ended up going out to dinner, and came back to find a burglar had walked right in, stolen everything, then ate the rest of the peanut butter. The squirrel was still in the washer! That's what makes me think this just might work."
Alec Mclocklin, special investigator of cyber crime, heard about the transcripted conversations and immediately started looking for some answers. "I book marked the site. Visited it a few times. Those little fluffy things never moved. I knew something was up." He said. "My kids have Beanies. This isn't exactly a real clever crime, but because its a web cam, my unit got involved. We'll shut them down before they can say Estuary!"
This wasn't the first, and it won't be the last fake falcon nest web cam. But at least now there may be some legislative action to stop this horrible crime against nature, and nature-loving people like Alec Mclocklin and family. "I hope never to see that Beanie Baby tag sticking out from its little cute furry butt, when I expect a real tail on a real animal in a real nest on a real bridge."
downloadMay 31, 2002 12:00 PM
